In one line: it's the fire in her. It captivates me. It draws me to her. It makes me want to shield her, so that nothing ever endangers it. I want to protect the fire, so that it can burn bright and strong. And I know that if she allows me, my love will be the invisible shield around her. The thought that life constantly threatens to reduce the fire to a flame angers me. I know her enough to know that the it will never die out, I don't worry about that for a moment. It will always be there, albeit subdued and down to a flicker. But that's not good enough. It just isn't. Why should it be anything less than what it is and what it can be and is meant to be?
How do I feel when I'm with her? I don't think I've ever told her this, but I feel shielded too, I feel protected too. I feel loved. She fights with me, she pokes me, she talks circles around me, she loves winning the little duels that we have. And I love how she smiles with such simple and pure happiness all the way through it. I want to protect that smile. It makes me happy. It makes my day, every day.
It's the little things between us that make us so good together. It's the symmetry and the synchrony. The sheer ease with which we fit, in spite of and because of our own separate little quirks. The big things stand between us. I know I can scale them and get past them. I'll see her through them too if she wants me to. But I can do nothing till she says she wants me to. The day she says 'yes', I'll get started and will make a life where the fire burns unhindered and the smile lights up my life, every day.
The chances are remote. But a very special woman said to me recently: 'never say never'. While there is still a chance, I will give this everything I have and everything I am. She's worth it.
